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Written by Jimmy Bones
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This summer saw huge releases of fated blockbusters that relied more on movie studio marketing teams then on movie quality. Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen came out to a highly anticipating audience that were suffice to say mostly disappointed. Terminator 4 although a good movie, failed to reach the expectations with the hype it created. Today we take a look back at movie studio marketing teams screwing us into watching other shitty movies. More specifically we look at awesome movie posters that sucked us into watching awful movies over the last year. Like so many others, we fell for it and cursed those bastards as we walked out the cinema.
10. The Unborn Actual Plot: A fetus named Jamby haunts his sexy twin sibling because he was UNBORN...sorry, I mean not born. 
We Expected: Hot girl walking around in her underwear for 2 hours as a creepy little boy watched. It made made me learn something about myself, just showing ass on a movie poster is enough to part me with my $12 and 1 1/2 hours of my life without giving a second thought. 'John Tucker Must Die' f*cked me in 2007 and I fell for it again. 09. Punisher: Warzone Actual Plot: Ugly bad guy fights even uglier good guy. 
We Expected: Gratuitous violence and overacting villains killing at a non-stop pace. Ok, ok....that's what they gave, but the movie still sucked. 08. Babylon A.D. Actual Plot: Angry Italian with a phallic head engages in people trafficking. 
We Expected: Vin Diesel in the future kicking ass, flying space ships into bad guys and using his muscles to blow clothes off sexy exotic women. 07. Righteous Kill Actual Plot: Pacino and Deniro team up as two cops hunting down a serial killer to prove to Hollywood that the concept is not yet overplayed. 
We Expected: Heat 2. Deniro would scrunch his face and bobble his head in a stereotypically Italian manner and the audience would scream. Pacino will over emphasize THE wrong word in every sentence but it would be f*cking cool anyway. 06. Midnight Meat Train Actual Plot: Angry meat packer loves his job so much he decides to do it in the subway. Writers attempt to release a movie with the stupidest ending ever. 
We Expected: Vinnie Jones being the scary motherf*cker he is combined with one of the coolest movie titles of the year was enough to get me lining up in the cinema with a chubby in my pants. But after an hour through the movie you begin to envy the hacked up commuters. 05. The Day The Earth Stood Still Actual Plot: The human race faces extinction unless Keanu Reeves learns the meaning of love. 
We Expected: At least 30% of the world being destroyed. We don't feel that is too much to ask. 04. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Actual Plot: Geriatric archeologist solves a mystery. 
We Expected: This movie was 20 years in the making filled with rumours of numerous script rewrites and altercations. We would expect something close to perfection but the story looks like George Lucas's attempt to create a stepping stone to Indiana Jones 5, The Legend of Jar Jar Binks.
03. Spiderman 3 Actual Plot: Peter Parker turns into Tony Manero. There was something about sand in there too. 
We Expected: Black Spiderman and a list of the worse supervillians any teenage nerd has to face. We thought the screen would be ejaculating coolness. But instead Peter Parker turns to the dark side by getting emo bangs and giving 'Shooter McGavins' to people on the street. 02. Ghostrider Actual Plot: A stunt-man who can't die, just doesn't die upsetting the audience terribly. 
What We Expected: There is fire, a disgruntled skeleton dressed like the Fonz sitting on Satan's bike. It would be very hard for this movie to suck? Apparently the director tried very hard. Not only that, but Wes Bentley as Blackheart just ringed of that goth kid in your class that sat outside of prom with his "I don't know if that's a chick" girlfriend cursing everyone in Latin. 01. The Spirit Actual Plot: I completely forgot the plot. I was watching the movie and about 20 minutes in my mind drifted off to trying to figure out the exact words in the 'Fresh Prince of Bel Air' opening credits theme. 
What We Expected: Artsy poster that looks like it will give you the right mix, of clever dialogue, awe inspiring cinematography and overly.... Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I liked to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air
In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys
Who were up to no good
Startin making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'
I begged and pleaded with her day after day
But she packed my suite case and send me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket.
I put my walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.
First class, yo this is bad
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass.
Is this what the people of Bel-Air Living like?
Hmmmmm this might be alright.
But wait I hear there're prissy, wine all that
Is Bel-Air the type of place they send this cool cat?
I don't think sow
I'll see when I get there
I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air
Well, the plane landed and when I came out
There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out
I ain't trying to get arrested
I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightening, disappeared
I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I can say this cab is rare
But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'
I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air
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Written by Jimmy Bones
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Photo by genitalssky
Violence is an ugly thing. Most of us avoid it the best we can, some of us go after it, and for an unlucky few, it is forced upon us by unfavorable circumstances. We do not encourage fighting, but we believe that if you are put in a situation where you have to fight, you might as well win.
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Written by Big Boss Man
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It's been a few months now since the inauguration of Obama and we don't know about the rest of the world but we here at Menslife miss our Bush. It maybe arguable that Americans and humanity on a whole, are better off now that a slightly retarded redneck is not the most powerful person in the world. But the truth is that we loved watching that motherf*cker in press conferences eloquently butcher the english language in a way that only George W Bush can. They've got a few different names out there gaffes, bushisms, misquotes, etc. Call them what you may but here is our top ten favorite Bush-ups.
NO 10
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between mother and child." Glad to see the republican party standing by their pro-family agenda. NO 9
"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things." That f*cking verbosity, even when they said it was the adjectology we always knew it was verbosity. NO 8
"If affirmative action means what I just described, what I'm for, then I'm for it." How can you not vote for this guy. Bush, Palin 2012!!!! NO 7
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." Hmmmm..i see. NO 6
"I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun." And crack dealing shouldn't be in primary schools. It is a high school tradition and the Republican party will do everything to make sure it stays that way. NO 5
"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur." This vaguely reminds me of a Nicholas Cage movie I once saw. NO 4
"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe." I don't see anything inaccurate about that statement. NO 3
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." There was a brief period of his past blurred out from alcohol and drug abuse. I guess we now know that brief period was the 20th century. NO 2
"Public speaking is very easy." And you've proved it to us time and time again. NO 1"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." Amen.
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Written by Dr Holi Wood
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This week we take a look at the top ten "not so good" guys. These are our favorite ethically challenged heroes with questionable consciences that end up doing just as much bad as they do good. But we don't give a flying **** because we love watching them. Our Top Ten
10. Daniel Plainview, There Will Be Blood (Daniel Day Lewis)
In "There Will Be Blood" we see ruthless turn of the century prospector Daniel Plainview run down anything that comes in his way as he builds his oil empire from nothing. Filled with greed and a general bitterness to people we see him fight family, religion and morality all in the name of money. Finally becoming one of those oil tycoons that celebrities and democrats are always complaining about. Quote from There Will Be Blood Plainview: "One night I'm gonna come to you, inside of your house, wherever you're sleeping, and I'm gonna cut your throat." 9. Derek Vinyard, American History X (Edward Norton)
Number 9 on our not so good guy list. Edward Norton takes us on a cerebral ride playing a neo-nazi skin head who lives in the middle of the projects. After growing a conscience during his stint in prison he has to fight to get his family out of the old life he created for them. Quote from American History X Danny Vinyard: "I believe in death, destruction, chaos, filth, and greed." 8. Leonard, Memento (Guy Pearce)
Leonard, the man whose amnesia makes the rest of his life seem as though his wife was murdered 15 minutes ago. Leonard avenges her with nothing but his last painful memory and a tattooed body that leads him closer and closer to his wife's killer. Who needs a conscience when you can just forget it all? Quote from 'Momento' Natalie: What's the last thing that you do remember?
Leonard Shelby: My wife...
Natalie: That's sweet.
Leonard Shelby: ...dying. 7. Tyler Durden, Fight Club (Brad Pitt)
*******SPOILER ALERT*********
The ever-so lovable and psychotic soap salesman, Tyler Durden and his views on a society crumbling on commercialism lead to the creation of a club like no other. Quote from 'Fight Club' Tyler Durden: "Did you know that if you mix equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate you can make napalm? " 6. Leon, Leon (Jean Reno)
Who thought a Frenchman could be such a badass. Leon the lone hitman picks up a stray kid (Natalie Portman) after her family is brutally killed. He raises her and trains her in the art of assassination in order for her to exact her revenge. Quote from 'Leon' Léon: The rifle is the first weapon you learn how to use, because it lets you keep your distance from the client. The closer you get to being a pro, the closer you can get to the client. The knife, for example, is the last thing you learn. 5. The Terminator, Terminator 1 & Terminator 2: Judgement Day (Arnold Schwarzenegger)
In Terminator he was one scary mofo hunting down Sarah Connor with an undeterring focus that puts a chill down our spine. In T2 he was back but as a protector, only he still didn't give a sh*t about humanity. Quote from 'Terminator 2' John Connor: You just can't go around killing people.
The Terminator: Why?
John Connor: What do you mean why? 'Cause you can't.
The Terminator: Why? 4. The Man With No Name, The Good, The Bad & The Ugly (Clint Eastwood)
Sergio Leone opened a new world of cinema with The Good, The Bad & The Ugly. Blondie, Tuco and Angel Eyes show no remorse when they all race each other to a small fortune. Quote from 'The Good, The Bad & The Ugly' Blondie: It's not a joke, it's a rope, Tuco. Now I want you to get up there and put your head in that noose. 3. Walter Kovacs/Rorschach, Watchmen (Jack Earle Haley)
Rorschack the rusky voiced sociapathic superhero doesn't know the meaning of due process as he puts down anything that steps outside his version of the law. Quote from 'Wathcmen' Rorschach: You people don't understand. I'm not locked in here with you, you're locked in here with me! 2. Tony Montana, Scarface (Al Pacino)
He was Tony Montana, but the world will always remember him with another name....Scarface. This angry little immigrant came to Miami on a boat and grabbed the American Dream by its balls. A mountain of cocaine + Weapons arsenal that will make Dick Cheney cream himself + Crazy Little Cuban = Best movie ending ever Quotes from 'Scarface' Tony Montana: I kill a communist for fun, but for a green card, I gonna carve him up real nice.
Tony Montana: You wanna fuck with me? Okay. You wanna play rough? Okay. Say hello to my little friend! 1. Marv, Sin City (Mickey Rourke)
This troubled soul is first on our list of badass good guys. Marv plays a disfigured criminal who is hell bent on revenge after the murder of Goldie, a golden-haired prostitute that never loved him back. He goes on a sadistic rampage to dig up the true perpetrators of the brutal murder while leaving a heap of mutilated bodies in his path crossed. Walt Disney couldn't have sh*t out a better plot. Quote from 'Sin City' Marv: "I don't hear you giving me any name, jerk. Guess when I shot you in the belly, I aimed a little too high."
[shoots him in the crotch]
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Written by Mr Fit
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007 has never looked as buff as he does now. We take a look at the workout plan that turned Daniel Craig into the mountain of a man he is and made Casino Royale and Quantam of Solace the hits they are.
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